


heavy with hoping

by calamaris



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Poe Dameron (Comics)
Genre: Chaptered, Consensual Touching, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Healthy Relationships, Mutual Pining, Romantic Comedy, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room, Slow Burn, general scifi tomfoolery, set between The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-02-22 12:15:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22282732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calamaris/pseuds/calamaris
Summary: Poe Dameron has trouble sleeping. Reader is a Resistance engineer without a bunkmate.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Reader
Comments: 17
Kudos: 175





	1. If I had a home anywhere

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is dedicated to the Lumineers album Cleopatra, as well as ao3 user [warqueenfuriosa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/warqueenfuriosa). Without their incredible Star Wars fics I would not have had the courage to contribute. Thank you.

“How’s that?” you ask as you peek your head out of the X-wing’s engine compartment. Jessika Pava has her head buried in the other side, but leans over so you can see her smile.

“Perfect, ace! Where have you _been_ all my life?” she replies and you stifle a laugh.

“It’s not good as new but it’s good as it was _before_ your last mission.”

“Better than that, can’t you hear her singing?”

You close the hatch to the engine with a resounding slam and open up your datapad. “I’m going to look around and see if I can’t find an upgrade for that targeting system. It’ll make your droid’s job ten times easier.”

“Aw you _do_ care,” she teases, resting her chin on your shoulder and watching you peruse the information flying across your datapad.

“I just care _quieter_ than most.”

“Your secret is safe with me.”

“What secret?” comes another voice, and Jess lifts her head off your shoulder to look over at whoever has interrupted, though you already know who it is.

“Poe Dameron you need to learn a thing or two about privacy,” Jess says.

“Everyone on the tarmac can hear you cheering on our engineer for miles, Pava.” 

You’re already prepared to make a joking retort to Commander Dameron – until you see his face.

“Kriff Poe, you look horrible.” the words tumble out before you have a chance to make yourself sound like less of a jackass. You barely have time to apologize before Jess is whooping with laughter. Your face burns hot from embarrassment.

He has a cup of caf in each hand, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He’s dressed like he’s ready to work but his face screams exhaustion. His warm complexion is washed out by the purple bruising under his eyes.

“Ouch, and here I was being a saint, bringing you a late cup of caf.” Poe says.

“I’m _so_ sorry Commander,” you try to apologize but Jess hops in to assuage your frayed nerves. Sometimes you couldn’t tell with the pilots – whether they all talked with rank or not. Jess was one of the most casual people you’d met on base, you were just beginning to form a friendship with Poe.

“The Commander has thicker skin than that, ace.” Jess nudges you playfully.

Frankly it was happenstance that you met at all – because you were a replacement for another engineer who had fallen ill and who had been scheduled to Poe’s ship for maintenance. Jess had introduced the two of you, though she maintained that you had to keep her as your number one pilot. 

Despite his exhaustion, Poe manages a smile and offers you the caf, “It’s fine. I know how I look.”

“What, no caf for me?” Jess interrupts.

“You don’t even like caf.” you look her way and she just shrugs with a smile.

“I promised I’d train with Snap and Karé anyway. Don’t have too much fun without me!”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” you say and she sticks out her tongue at you before dashing off.

Poe sighs, taking a sip of caf, and the place is noticeably quieter now without Jess to buffer the silence.

The past little while has been a whirlwind for the Resistance. Poe had been kidnapped during a mission, presumed dead on Jakku, and eventually managed to find his way back. You don’t know the details of his kidnapping, and Poe has yet to expand on what really happened. Jess had also admitted no one on Black Squadron dared asked. He was bruised and battered when he returned but everything else was strangely _normal_.

And as for the newcomers, you only know the basics:

Rey took the falcon to find Luke Skywalker yesterday, leaving Finn here on D’Qar to recover from his injuries.

And Poe…has looked better.

It’s still strange to have him back on base. You’d held out hope of his return simply because the alternative was unfathomable. And when he came back, you’d all been scurried into action to destroy Starkiller base. But after everything, you’d adjusted so well to your old habits, ribbing with the rest of his squadron, that it made you worried about what you’d do without him. The job is difficult, even more-so when you keep your doubts hidden away from even the people you trust. Like the other pilots, you consider Poe to be a friend, and he’s voiced the same to you – but Poe has a heavy weight on his shoulders and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that it gets to him.

“Did you sleep last night?” you ask, leaning on the wing of Jess’ Starfighter.

He gives you a look over the rim of his cup, takes a drink, and says nothing.

You stare at him, waiting for his reply but it doesn’t come. He looks off to his right, watching the other pilots goofing off.

“I’m going to visit Finn later. I’m almost done patching up his jacket.”

You reply with an exasperated sigh, “Poe.”

His company had been missed while he was gone, but it’s even harder to have him stand in front of you and purposely distance himself from your growing concern.

You step forward into his space so he has no choice but to notice you – to _look_ at you.

“I’ve tried everything,” he murmurs without further encouragement. “But I close my eyes, and it’s like the ceiling of my room opens up and I’m floating – alone.” he looks into the bottom of his cup, nothing but grinds left of his caf. It’s silent for a moment before he considers his words. “I remember what happened and I just – I can’t breathe in there.”

There are things that can be done to help him cope with recent events – numerous remedies that have been proven to help other resistance members in similar situations.

“Sleep with me.” you offer instead.

Poe’s eyes move from the bottom of his cup to your face. He blinks once, twice.

“If you want.” you shrug, realizing too late what you’ve said. You know being blunt can help in most situations but you realize belatedly that what you’ve suggested is being construed the wrong way. “I mean sleep in my bed.” you correct, clearing your throat. “Sleeping next to someone might help, and we’re friends…I mean, it doesn’t have to be me, I’m just throwing it out there since I don’t really have any bunk mates. If you want.” You know you’re babbling so you look down for your toolbox to occupy yourself, now worried that Poe’s silence means imminent rejection.

“I know what you meant,” he says, and it surprises you to hear a bit of a teasing tone in his voice. When you look up, Poe is supressing a laugh.

“First Jess, and now you – glad you’re all having fun embarrassing me.” you grunt, stepping back, about to hide yourself in the engine again.

“No, no,” he almost grabs your elbow to stop you from retreating but his hand just rests there – a silent apology. “Thank you.” he says, and gives a relieved smile. “I think I’ll take you up on that offer. You’re sure you’re okay to share?”

You easily brush off his worry, “It’s not a problem. There’s an odd number of engineers and I got lucky.”

You watch him warily as he yawns. “Want to start tonight?”

He chuckles, albeit sleepily, “I’ll be there.”

* * *

“You know I was just thinking to myself I need to clean my room because I’ve got too much junk, but…” Poe glances at the KX-series security droid sitting in the corner of your room in a lifeless heap. He came knocking on the door a bit after dinner.

You put your hands on your hips, “I was going to offer you the softer side of the bed but I’m afraid it’s reserved for a gonk droid I’m going to go get from the tarmac—”

“Forget I said anything. This place is immaculate; I thank you for your generosity.” Poe smiles pleasantly and you roll your eyes.

“Did you bring your toothbrush?” you ask instead, and Poe holds up a small knapsack. He has a sad-looking pillow under his other arm.

You gawk, “Is that engine grease?”

“I tried sleeping in my ship yesterday,” Poe says and looks down at where smears of oil have rubbed onto the pillow.

You suppress laughter, “Don’t take this the wrong way Poe, but you look pitiful.”

Poe doesn’t look the least bit offended, instead taking it in good humor. “I never realized you were such a bully until now.”

“Yes you did,” you extend your hand, “Give me your pillowcase, I’ll wrap a shirt around it for now.”

He does as instructed, watching you with mild amusement, “So the roommate situation definitely has nothing to do with the oversized droid taking up a third of the floor space, right?”

You bite back a smile, “Believe it or not, there aren’t a lot of people comfortable with a KX in their bunk, so it took a very small amount of meddling on my part.” you hand him his pillow, now dressed in a clean shirt from your locker.

Poe looks equally amused, taking back his pillow. “Thank you,”

“You can pick any side you want,” you offer, and he puts his pillow on the side nearest to the door. You throw an extra blanket at the foot of the bed for good measure, in case Poe gets cold in the night.

It’s a common occurrence for you to see Poe around base with BB-8 hot on his heels, running around in a rush either to his ship or to mission briefings. But it’s incredibly different to share _this_ space with him, because it doesn’t require any conversation. Poe is content to go about his business, cleaning up before bed and making sure his things are organized for the morning.

You changed out of your coveralls earlier, wearing the standard loose-fitted tunic, pants, and socks issued to all Resistance members.

“Are you a light sleeper?” Poe asks, crawling into bed.

“I’m about average,” you say, pulling back the covers and nestling into your side of the bed. You turn your head a bit to face Poe, indicating you’re still listening.

“I might wake you, so…” he trails off, and you can tell he’s having second guesses about disturbing your rest with his insomnia.

“I’ve been told my snoring can lull even the most stubborn to sleep.”

Poe glances over, partly obscured by the pillows, and you can see it’s eased his expression a little.

“Duly noted.” He says dryly, the hint of laughter not lost on you.

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t okay with you being here, Poe.” You assure him.

He offers another smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, turning his head to face the ceiling.

You turn off your lamp, “Night, Poe.”

“Goodnight.”

You can feel yourself on the precipice of waking up. It’s a midpoint, where you can’t tell if you’re dreaming or if something is happening around you while you’re attempting to sleep. But there is a sudden movement — a jolt — at your side, and you’re shoved back into consciousness.

It takes a moment for everything to come back to you, a vague recollection of having agreed to let Poe stay in your room. You turn onto your side, the bed jostling from your movement, and see Poe’s outline in the dark. From his breathing, you know he isn’t sleeping. And you also know he isn’t relaxed.

“Poe?” You murmur.

“Sorry.” He replies, his voice coming out strained.

“S’okay. Did you just wake up?”

“No, I’ve been in and out.”

You twist to look over at the clock on your workbench, and it’s only been three hours.

You turn back to him, “Has this ever been a problem before?”

“Yeah, but never this bad.”

“Did you do anything then that may help now?”

“I don’t remember.” Poe admits, and it’s hard to watch him so frustrated — so clearly tired of being exhausted.

You sit up a bit and peer at the blanket at the edge of the bed. “I put a quilt at the end of the bed last night, something heavy might help ground you.”

He considers it, and then nods. “Yeah, okay.”

You push yourself up so you can reach the edge of the bed and pull the thicker quilt over the rest of the sheets.

Poe helps you tug it up to his chin, sinking further under the blankets to get more comfortable. He turns onto his side, onto his stomach, and all you can see is a dark tuft of hair sticking out from underneath the mountain of blanket.

You’re wide awake at this point, peering around the rest of your bedroom with rapt attention that only 3AM can provide. There’s a steady hum from the droid charging station next door. A maintenance worker walks past your room in the midst of their night shift. And quieter than all of that is Poe breathing steadily next to you.

You start to drift off.

Another jolt moves you, adrenaline kicking you out of your drowsiness. It takes a moment for your heart to stop pounding because you’ve become used to waking up to base-wide sirens before but Poe’s presence is what has confused your internal alarm.

“Kriff—” Poe whispers, breathless and _tired._ He moves with a faster pace that you only really see when he’s about to depart on a mission. He sits up all at once and rubs at his eyes with the heels of his palms.

You try not to make too much noise, certain he already feels guilty enough. But you rustle a little to try and find a better position to fall back asleep, and Poe turns to check on you.

“I’m sorry…I think I really might be a lost cause.” he murmurs.

You reach out your hand slow enough so that Poe sees it coming, and you rest it on his forearm. “Lay down, try again.”

“Maybe I can find a tranquilizer gun…” he muses.

“ _Poe,”_ you warn, because he’s being morose to the point of worrying you. “Seriously, lay down.”

He grouses only for a moment before getting back under the covers.

“Do you want to talk about what you see? Will that help?”

Poe’s quiet, and you wonder if said something wrong. “I don’t mean to push—”

“—I can’t.” And it’s quiet again. Your voice is lost after being taken _so completely off guard_ from Poe’s defeated tone. This is the man who doesn’t waver – doesn’t blink in the face of danger.

And he sounds _afraid_.

“That’s okay.”

“Is it?” he laughs sourly. “Because I can’t fix the problem and people are counting on me to be on top of things.”

You sigh, “You can’t be at a hundred and ten percent all the time, you’ll lose your mind.”

“Says the most proficient engineer we have.”

“Okay first of all, untrue. Second, have you _met_ Fasca?”

“Alright the most _amicable_ engineer we have.”

You muse for a moment, “Cat in Cobalt Squadron would take that spot.”

Poe’s laugh is genuine this time, “How do you know all these people?”

“I leave my room sometimes.”

“Funny, I usually see you neck deep fiddling past the panels of a ship’s cargo hold—”

“ _Anyway,_ ” you look over at your clock.

As much as you admittedly enjoy Poe’s ribbing, the both of you need to make another attempt at sleeping if you want to be even semi-functional come breakfast time. “Should we try again?” you ask, and Poe’s silence says more than enough. You both know what the result will be but you need to stay positive for his sake. Even the thinnest thread of hope may be the one to get him through the night.

You consider for a moment, and then you turn to face him. “Scoot over,” you suggest and he glances your way.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, this morning you mentioned one of the sensations was floating alone. If the quilt doesn’t help, I can sleep closer.”

He keeps watching you, “I’d be willing to try, but I don’t want you to feel obligated.”

Poe has made you nervous before, but you cannot recall a time he has ever made you uncomfortable. He is the type of person to ask first, always giving an out – and you feel like you understand him enough to trust him in this.

“I don’t feel obligated, Poe. I want to help, and I’m okay with this.”

Poe acquiesces, “Okay,” he says, and he pulls the quilt up in between the two of you so you can maneuver closer without upsetting the blankets too much.

It occurs to you as you settle nearer to Poe that you have no idea where to touch him. You don’t actively avoid contact but in your line of work it just genuinely doesn’t come up. You’re too busy to consider anything other than passing tools to other engineers or giving a reassuring touch to the arm of a struggling mechanic. The most you’re ever in distress is at the cantina, wedged between two other people seated next to you while chaos ensues in every direction.

Keeping that in mind, being close to Poe now doesn’t seem so daunting.

You decide to tuck yourself into his side, your head cushioned next to his collarbone. You draw your arm up and around his middle, draping it loosely so as to not trap him if he wakes up in a rush. Poe’s fingers curl around your shoulder and then drop down to rest on the pillow behind you, his other arm relaxed at his side.

“Okay?” you ask, quieter than you think you’ve been all night.

“Yeah.” he whispers just as quiet.

You inhale and exhale, falling into the same breathing rhythm as Poe. His heartbeat slows down as he gradually relaxes. It takes time, but it happens – and it feels like a small miracle.

And when Poe is the first to fall asleep, you lie awake just a little bit longer to cherish the trust he has given you.


	2. It's in your heartbeat

You wake up a bit before your alarm. Poe is still sleeping on his back, though his head is tilted toward you. You had moved in the night, tucking your arm in closer to your body instead of having it draped over him. Maneuvering out of bed is easy enough because Poe doesn’t even stir, he sleeps like he’s dead. You wonder if it’s because he finally feels safe.

You go to the ‘freshers and clean up, brushing your wet hair away from your face.

When you come back, Poe is dressed and listening to BB-8 beep at him incessantly. When he sees you, he stands up from the bed in a hurry.

“Good morning,” you greet, and he gives you a warm smile in reply.

“And a good morning it is.” He agrees.

You walk past him to hang up your towel on the radiator. “You sleep well?” you ask.

“Better than I can ever remember.” he replies, and when you turn to face him, his smile is faltering.

“So listen,” he starts, and then looks down at the gloves in his hands. “I uh, I wanted to thank you. For last night. You didn’t have to offer me a place and you did anyway.”

You smile, “I’m happy I could help.”

With a quick glance behind Poe, you realize his knapsack is packed and the shirt you’d loaned him as a pillowcase is folded neatly at the head of the bed.

You glance back at him, “You’re leaving?”

Poe looks sheepish, “I mean, I feel a lot better.”

You roll your eyes, “Poe. You got _one night_ of sleep. You’re allowed to stay.”

You hear the creak of leather when he twists his gloves in his hands, “I mean I slept _eventually_ but I kept waking you up.”

Shrugging your shoulders, you just smile. “Now what kind of friend would I be if I couldn’t tolerate a little adjusting?” you ask.

Poe smiles back, brilliant and relieved. And you can’t help but laugh.

“Did you think I was going to kick you out?” you ask.

“Maybe.” he shrugs, looking away from you, and you can tell he’s been thinking about this all morning.

He’s been worried.

You reach out to touch his arm in reassurance, something you wouldn’t have done without your newfound closeness. “Stay.” you say.

He smiles, finally looking at you. _Relief._

“Okay.”

* * *

It surprises you how easily you fall into a rhythm after that first night. You wake up momentarily when Poe is getting ready to meet with Leia for early morning briefings and wish him a good morning. When you wake up a bit later, you usually meander around the engineering quarters. The droid charging station is always populated with a few malfunctioning droids so you pull the datapad off the shelf and check which ones can be fixed before breakfast. You eat breakfast with some of the other engineers or Jess finds you and pulls you over to eat with the rest of Black Squadron sans Poe.

Truth be told, things are strangely similar to how they’ve always been. The only difference is that suddenly you have this big chunk of time that you spend with Poe. And maybe it’s hesitation on your part, but you act the same as ever around him – both of you do. Sharing this space with him feels blessedly normal. Though eventually, you find out that not everyone else thinks so.

It’s a month later when you’re able to get your hands on the parts you ordered for Jess. You’re running a bit behind, so you bring your datapad with you and work at one of the tables while you eat.

“I went looking for the commander but he hasn’t been in his room for days. Is he on assignment?” you hear someone at the table behind you. While you were in the midst of working on the touchpad, your movement falters – equally parts guilty and curious for being within earshot and intentionally listening in.

“Nah, he hangs around the engineering quarter at night.” someone else replies, a tinnier voice that you think you recognize but you’re not certain. She must be a mechanic.

“ _Oh,_ who’s he ‘bunking’ with?” the suggestive tone isn’t lost on you, and you dip your nose further into your work, feeling ashamed even though you’ve done nothing wrong.

“No idea. I’ve asked around but even the mechanics are tight lipped.” So _not_ a mechanic. But she must be from your department, there’s no denying a certain familiarity.

“Must be a big secret then. It’ll come out eventually I’m sure.”

“Or you could just mind your own business.” a third voice pipes up.

You peer over for the first time and notice Jess is standing over the two gossiping personnel. Your gaze falls to where you’d heard the familiar voice and you _do_ recognize her – another engineer that was bunking with someone else. She evidently recognizes you, blinking once, and then twice.

“Oh I didn’t even see you there –” she starts to smile but you slide your datapad on the table until she can catch a glimpse of it.

“No worries, I was working.” you can feel the tightness of your throat, constricting your attempt at nonchalance. You don’t even try to smile, knowing how forced it would look, only making you even more suspicious.

“Shouldn’t you be getting back to it?” Jess asks the engineer, her hands on her hips.

“Jess—” you choke at her tone. You’d never heard her so blatantly angry.

The other gossip was a pilot from another squadron, clearly wilting under Jess’ gaze.

“We were just leaving,” he says, and pulls the engineer along with him.

Jess doesn’t look away until they’ve cleared their trays and left the cafeteria. She seems to brighten up, looking at you.

“They’re just kids, gossip is a novelty around here.” she jumps over and sits next to you.

“Did you have to scare them?” you ask and she shrugs.

“Fear is an _excellent_ incentive, ace!”

You shake your head, smiling while you slide away some interfaces on your datapad, “As long as you don’t use it on me.”

She slings an arm around your shoulders, “I’d never scare away my favorite engineer.”

“Alright—” you roll your eyes and she laughs. “I just got your targeting system upgrade.” you say.

Jess’ eyes light up. “See what I mean? You know just what to say to a girl.”

You and Jess go back to the engineering quarters and grab your order off the palette of recently delivered parts. You check your datapad if you need any more tools for installation and then grab your toolbox from your room. When you come back out, Jess is smiling.

“What?” you ask.

“Oh I was just wondering if you were going to bring it up.” she smiles a bit wider.

You roll your eyes, “And what should I be bringing up?”

Jess shrugs, “Nothing, just that Poe told us where he’s been spending time.” Jess says, as she grabs the wooden box holding her system upgrade and starts for the tarmac.

You nearly drop your toolbox on your feet, juggling it for a moment before looking at her, “He _told_ you?”

Jess doesn’t seem that bothered, “Yeah, you’re letting him nap in your room while you work night shifts.”

It takes an extra moment to sink in. You had realized early on that Poe wouldn’t be able to hide his whereabouts forever. He was giving you an out, knowing full-well people would start talking. So he started a rumor of his own.

“I always told him a change of scenery would help, I’m glad he finally listened.” Jess says, setting down the crate as your reach the Black Squadron’s area of the tarmac. She hops up onto her ship and unlatches the lock on the glass canopy of the cockpit. Her head pops out, “Even Karé was getting worried.”

You crack open the crate and take out the packing material that surrounds the system upgrade – a small rectangular piece of tech wrapped in padded fabric for protection.

She gets down from the side of the ship and grabs a nearby ladder, ushering you up first. “Besides, isn’t it good?”

You squint at her, even as she holds the bottom of the ladder. “ _What_ is, Jess?” and then you put up a finger, “and choose your words carefully.”

She laughs, “You know exactly what I mean. Do I need to spell it out?”

You shake your head, getting up onto the ladder, “We’re not having this conversation. Now get my toolbox.”

“The conversation about you—” she grunts when she picks up the toolbox, hurrying over to the ladder and climbing up. “And your new bunkmate?” she asks, and when you don’t reply she keeps talking, “You have one bed, right?”

You laugh, even as you pull the pilot seat back and kick open the bottom compartment of the dash, “ _Jess…”_ you shake your head, rooting around for the older module you’re planning on removing.

“What!” she exclaims, and you don’t even have to look at her to know she’s smiling, “I’m just saying I fully support you!” you can hear her open up your toolbox.

“I know exactly what you’re saying and you are,” you pop your head out to grab a tool off the top, “distracting me from my work.”

“I’m helping!”

“With sinister intent. Besides, I thought you hated gossip.” you unscrew the old targeting system and pry it out from the inner workings of Jess’ ship, handing it to her without even looking at her. You take the new module and nestle it in the open spot, securing it in place.

“I only hate it when it’s the talk of the whole base. It’s none of their business. I’m your friend and I care about your wellbeing.”

“You care about who I sleep next to.”

“So it _is_ just the one bed!”

“Can you hand me the calibrator there?” you ask, holding your hand out. She hands you a tool, “Not that one, the wired one.” you say without looking. You fix your position in the pilot seat so you can get your arm further behind the new part.

Jess rustles around in the toolbox for only a moment longer before she hands you what you need.

“Thank you,” you say, plugging one end of the wire into Jess’ ship and the other you’re your datapad. “Okay,” you look at the screen and then hold it up to Jess, “This’ll test it when your ship comes online. Switch spots with me.” you get up out of the seat and sit on the ledge of the cockpit. Jess closes your toolbox and sets it on the top rung of the ladder before crawling into her seat and turning on her ship.

The datapad lights up and you fiddle around with the settings, calibrating the settings to her droid’s model. There’s a sequence of clicking and beeps and your datapad gives the affirmative that the module has been successfully installed.

“And done.”

Jess blinks, “Just like that?”

“Even faster when I don’t have a pilot talking my ear off, could you imagine?” you dig.

She elbows your leg from where its perched and you laugh. Once the job is done, your gaze trails back to the happenings on the tarmac. You see Poe Dameron walking your way and you groan.

“Speak of the devil,” Jess waggles her eyebrows, jumping out of her seat and practically falling onto the toolbox she left on the ladder. You can hear Poe yelling at her to be careful but you’re too busy being terrified for her yourself.

“Stars, Jess. Careful!” you laugh nervously, but she just waves you off, bringing your toolbox with her as she meets Poe near the nose of her ship. When you’re down the ladder, you roll it to the side and walk over to join them.

Poe smiles when he sees you, “Everything okay?” he asks. It’s sweet, but you also can feel Jess’ gaze boring into the side of your head.

“Just finished calibrating Jess’ ship with the new module.” you look at Jess and her expression is excruciatingly unsubtle. You elbow her in response and she laughs, stepping back to avoid your ire. Sighing, you look to Poe, “As with _all_ projects for Jess, it tends to take a bit longer than necessary but it’s done. Sorry if you needed her for something.”

Poe shakes his head, “No need to apologize,” he looks to Jess and nods his head, “We’ve got a mission early tomorrow morning. Will you be ready by then?”

“Are you kidding Dameron? I’m ready whenever you need me.”

He nods, a bit more serious now. “Good. I’m giving a mission brief with the others, let’s go.”

Jess gives you a salute, handing you your toolbox before bounding off toward the other members of Black Squadron.

Poe looks back to you, “It’s going to be a late night preparing for tomorrow, and then I have an early morning too. If you want me to sleep elsewhere—”

You shake your head, “Poe you should know by now, it doesn’t bother me.”

He smiles, averting your gaze almost shyly. “I _do_ know. Just…I have to keep making sure.”

You feel your cheeks heat up at his thoughtfulness, “I appreciate that you do, and my answer is always going to be the same.”

He laughs, “I’m looking forward to asking again tomorrow,” he thinks, corrects himself, “Well, in a few days.”

“It’s a big mission?” you ask, and you know you’re not allowed to know the specifics but Poe is usually able to give a time estimate regardless.

“We’re supposed to be gone for a week. With any luck it’ll be earlier but,” he shrugs, looks at you and smiles, “You never know.”

“Rest easy about Jess’ ship, at least.” you clear your throat, “And I can take a look at yours too, if you need.”

“Didn’t you do it yesterday?”

“Yes but—”

He touches your arm, “Then I’ll be fine. Trust me.”

“Just—be careful.” you say, and it spills out before you really think about it. Because Poe has become a daily part of your life – the thought of losing that – of losing _him_ is getting more and more difficult every day. Poe seems to realize your slip up too – but says nothing. Something passes over his face too fast for you to really understand what it means. He still has his hand on your arm, and he squeezes it briefly before returning his arms to his sides.

“Always.” he says. And you both know it isn’t arrogance – it’s a promise.

* * *

In the morning, Poe is fully dressed in his flight suit when you wake up. You blink blearily at him from your side of the bed, watching him put on his boots.

“I’ll see you soon,” he says, brushing your hair from your face and touching your shoulder.

“I’m holding you to it.” you joke, and you can hear him laugh softly even as you bury your head back into your pillow. BB-8 burbles a soft goodbye, bumping your hand where it’s sticking out under the covers.

“You too, buddy.” you murmur, giving him a pat before he rolls off.

You watch the two of them go through the doorway of your bedroom, their silhouettes darkened by the bright morning light, and then they’re gone.

It’s around 7AM when you wake up again. You sit up in bed and look over at Poe’s side. There are a few signs of life – some knickknacks he’s left on his bedside table, a few droid tools. There’s a faded picture of Black Squadron on the table, one of the bottom edges tattered from creasing wrong. You get up and throw on a sweater before heading for the ‘freshers.

You managed to grab something to eat before starting your daily tasks. Without Poe’s group, the work to do is mostly inspections and monotonous tune ups. Even then, there’s not nearly enough to keep you adequately busy. It’s only a little past lunch time when you complete all your work for the day. Without the work, you feel guilty for doing nothing. And worst of all, you find yourself looking up at the sky more and more, cursing every time you catch yourself. It’s only been a day. This can’t possibly be how you spend the next week.

There’s an uncomfortable weight on your chest every time you think about their mission, every time you remember how powerless you are to help them while you’re stuck on base. And more than that is the terribly large piece of your heart that was opened up for one commander in particular. You don’t know when it got there, or when it got so big, but it keeps reminding you – poking you – prodding you to finally acknowledge the truth of the matter. Again and again, you refuse.

You return to your bedroom to grab your datapad when your gaze falls to it – the KX unit in the corner collecting dust.

Before you really think about it, you pull up a stool and get to work.

* * *

It takes 4 days of near nonstop work to get the KX unit up and running again. It takes you off guard at first, when the eyes that had been dim for so long suddenly blink to life. There is a scrape in the metal of their headpiece, which runs a good three inches vertically over their left eye socket. Thankfully both eyes light up when they boot up, reassuring you the damage is only superficial.

“Hey there,” you greet, nodding your head. The KX unit assesses you for a moment, blinks once, head tilted minutely. It peers down where you have its chest compartment open.

“Sorry—” you begin, but they point to where you have your tuning stylus.

“This isn’t calibrated yet,” they say.

“Oh,” you rub your eye with your free hand “You’re right, I didn’t even notice.” you lean a bit forward and move a component aside, calibrating the piece of equipment further inside. When you’re done, you close the hatch and peer up at the KX unit’s eyes.

“Do you feel okay?”

The KX unit nods, which you find a bit odd considering how human the gesture is. Then, they lift a hand and rubs at their left eye. You think, for a moment, that the damage you deemed slight was actually bothering them. But you realize – belatedly – that the KX unit is mimicking your body language.

You put down your tuning stylus, “Do you have a name? Your identification plate’s been scratched off.”

“K-9BD.”

You smile a little, scrunching your nose, “That’s a bit of a mouthful. Can I call you Kay Nine?”

Pause.

“Yes.”

“You can choose something else if you want, I just figured –”

“Kay Nine is acceptable.”

You laugh, “Okay. Want to stand up and tell me if anything is bothering you? I can take a look at your knee joints,”

Barely a breath before finishing your sentence, K-9 starts to stand up in front of you. You almost topple back off the stool, scurrying back a step. At the same time, K-9 straightens their legs to their full height and nearly clocks their head on a beam supporting the ceiling.

“Careful!” you caution, putting your hands up in warning. K-9 glances down at you and puts their hands up in the same motion.

“I’m being careful. Your ceilings are low.” they reply and you bite back a laugh.

“And your knees?”

“They’re okay.”

“Well,” you pause, “I was expecting you to be stiff or something. You’ve been sitting in the corner of my room ever since I found you.”

K-9 turns and looks at the corner where they’ve stood up, then back at you. “Where did you find me?”

You sigh, starting to put away your tools, “You were passed around between the colonies, I bought you from a salvager who wanted to scrap you for parts.” you stand back up with your toolbox in hand, “I thought maybe I could bring you back online.”

K-9 doesn’t reply for so long that you worry maybe their power was cut short, but then they nod to you again, “Alright.”

“Alright?”

“I have authorized you as my primary holder.”

You set your toolbox on your bed, folding your arms over your chest. “You’re…okay with that?”

K-9 stares, comprehends, and then folds their arms over their own chest. “Why not?”

You laugh, “Because it’s your choice. I’m just an engineer.”

“I know that.”

“Don’t want me to assign you to a pilot?”

Pause.

“No.”

You smile. “Well alright then.”

* * *

You hear the door open and you turn drowsily to see Poe entering quietly with BB-8 not far behind. BB-8 notices you looking their way and trills a quiet greeting, nearly bumping against the bed to nuzzle your outstretched hand.

“Poe?”

“Shh, yeah it’s me.” he has his flight suit bundled under his arm, wearing a set of clean clothes instead. BB-8 burbles again, and then sees K-9’s eyes glowing in the darkness of the room. BB-8 screeches, Poe nearly jumps out of his skin.

“Kriffing _shit,_ what the—”

You have trouble stirring from your muddled state but you manage, grabbing at Poe’s sleeve. “Stop – it’s just Kay Nine,”

“Kay Nine, w-who—?”

“I booted them up yesterday,” you yawn. “Leia knows. Sent a memo. Got approved.”

Poe puts a hand to his chest, breathing hard, “Kriffing _hell—”_

BB-8 rolls over to K-9 where they sit in their corner of the floor, letting out a series of curious beeps. K-9 looks from you to Poe, and then down to BB-8. They outstretch their hand to BB-8, mimicking your earlier gesture.

“Stars, that’s…”

“Amazing?”

“Kind of.” Poe breathes out, “Kind of scary too.”

You yawn, “I promise they didn’t steal your side of the bed.”

Poe laughs a little, setting his flight suit on the table near the door. BB-8 gives a final friendly beep to K-9 before rolling over to the charging port on Poe’s side of the bed. Poe pulls back the sheets enough to crawl in behind you on the bed.

“Welcome back,” you murmur and he breathes out a laugh. His arm comes around you, probably assuming you’ll turn over and rest at his side but you surprise him. You settle back into his chest, tired and contented, and even while barely awake you can feel Poe’s hesitation before he sinks into the contact, his palms warm even through the fabric of your shirt.

“Despite the…near heart attack, it’s good to be back.” he whispers.

You smile, eyes barely open. “M’sorry.”

“It’s alright. Doesn’t feel like a ghost in the corner anymore. I’m happy you got them up and running like you wanted.”

It’s quiet for a long beat. You’re so happy he’s back, but you’re also so terribly exhausted. You don’t know what possesses you to voice your thoughts, too close to sleep to choose your words carefully. “m’ missed you.” you say into his chest and you feel him exhale, holding you a bit tighter.

“I’ll be here when you wake up.”


End file.
